Coping with the loss of a beloved pet.
By Judy Endo, Citizens' Voice columnist / Published: April 2, 2017
This week, we had to say goodbye to my sister’s yellow lab, Amber. Amber turned 13 years old in November and suffered what I believe to be a mild stroke in December. This week, Amber suffered a major stroke, and her life was humanely ended. Amber was my buddy, my family, and my heart hurts. I will miss her greeting my car with her constantly wagging tail, and then in frustration barking for me to quickly exit my car and deliver her ever present treat. My column today is in memory of all the pets we have loved and lost. Pets who have changed our lives, enhanced our lives, and fulfilled our lives. Gone, but never forgotten.
Feelings of grief and sense of loss are overwhelming, and normal, since many of us share such intense love with our pets. Their love and loyalty is genuine and unconditional. Their friendship and happiness in sharing our lives, no matter what we are doing, is heartwarming and joyful. The downside of loving a pet is having to say goodbye. It is so hard. They absolutely do not live long enough. But would it ever be long enough? There are some healthy, recommended ways to cope with the loss of your pet.
1. Recognize that it is normal to grieve for the loss of a beloved pet.
2. Do not try to bottle up your emotions or feel ashamed of them.
3. Seek support from friends and family who have also experienced the pain of losing a pet.
4. Ignore and avoid people who try to minimize and devalue your loss.
6. Learn how to help and guide a child through losing a pet.
Our pets are valued members of our family. They add structure to our lives, keep us active and social, support us during setbacks and challenges in life, and give us a sense of meaning and purpose. Each individual responds to grief differently. This can depend on factors such as your age and personality, the age of your pet, and the circumstances surrounding its passing. The more significant your pet is to you, the more intense the pain and sense of loss will be. The role the animal played in your life will also have an impact such as if it was a service or therapy animal. If you live alone, the void will be even more pronounced.
The grieving process, again, is a highly individual experience. Some will experience feelings such as denial, anger, guilt, depression, and eventually acceptance and resolution. Others can experience a series of highs and lows. Such feelings will be less intense as time passes. Still, in years gone by, there can be a sight, sound, or special memory that causes you to relive that special time with that pet, causing a strong sense of grief to resurface. There is no normal timetable for grieving.
Do not allow anyone to tell you how you should feel. No one can insist it is time to “move on” or “get over it”. It is OK to cry, be angry, to laugh, to remember special moments of joy, and to let go and move on when you are ready. If you have friends or family who are not sympathetic and cannot relate to the level of grief and sorrow that you are experiencing, reach out to someone who can better understand and relate to what you are feeling. I personally have many good friends who are serious and passionate about their furkids, as I am. These people are always there for me, and for each other, when there are hard times.
I personally am inclined to withdraw during times of sorrow. I do not want to talk on the phone or in person for awhile. I cannot say if this is right or wrong. My sense of grief is so strong that I am unable to share in the beginning. Fortunately, my friends remain there for me and are at the ready when I am able to reach out to them for support and compassion. They all recognize that pain of loss having lived through it themselves. There is no better support group than like-minded people who, like yourself, share the same love and passion for animals.
Remember to take care of yourself. The stress of losing a pet can deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Taking care of your physical and emotional needs can help you get through this difficult time. Eat a healthy diet, get plenty of rest, and exercise regularly. Try to maintain a normal routine as best you can. “Fake it til you make it.” That is one of my favorite mottos.
The death of a pet can hit retired seniors even harder. An older adult living alone may have a pet as their sole companion, and taking care of that pet provided them with a sense of purpose and self worth. Hopefully, family members and friends can step in to support this person and provide assistance to help them recover from the loss and move forward. Welcoming another pet into their lives may be an option if they are willing, physically and financially able to care for it.
We can obviously never replace the pet we have lost. But we have plenty of love in our hearts for another. Each pet offers their own individual personality traits that endear them to us. Each pet enhances and enriches our lives, and we can continue to experience wonderful good times and create new memories. So, if you choose to open your mind and heart to another pet, you will both be rewarded for years go come.
Amber, may you be young forever and run pain free again. RIP. Love you girlfriend.
Resource: helpguide.org
Just lost my little Krysia who had been with
ReplyDeleteme and her brother for 14 years. i have been hiding and crying and trying to work the grief out. The other day I listened to an animal communicator and what struck me was she emphasized to write a Gratitude letter to her.
I loved that idea and it has helped. you think about all the wonderful things we did beginning when she was just a pup. It is helping me to heal. This is the worst part of sharing your life with another being.